Pat Summitt

Wow.


I'm lying here in bed wiping tears from my eyes. I just watched the ESPN 9 for 9 film on Pat Summitt. What an incredible piece. That film was just what I needed.

Sure I didn't go to Tennessee, but she saw something in me once. I remember going to camp there and having her personally invite me to the next camp where I would play with her players and be coached by her and her staff.

I am TRULY honored to say that Pat Summitt saw something in me. I never went there...instead choosing UConn; a bitter rival. Part of me will always wonder what if.

What if I had waited and given Tennessee and Pat Summitt the chance? At times I regret my choice to attend UConn. But every time I go there I think of what it took to get me where I am. I discovered myself at UConn. I found some of my best friends for life there. I fell in love and experienced heart break. I learned some of life's toughest lessons. But still....I wonder what if sometimes. How different would my life be? Or would it...?

I know in my heart of hearts that Pat probably was the better coach for me. But I was wooed by the charm of another great coach. I think I would have connected better with Pat. Or that she would have given me the chance I deserved.

I am a FIRM believer in EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. So many things could have gone differently, and who knows if I would have landed where I am now. I am SO happy about where I am. I'm in love with a wonderful person.

The impact that Pat has left on people is uncanny. She is an amazing woman--I have no doubt about that. I wish I would have known her better. I am SO tempted to write her and let her know what her film did for me tonight. I think I have problems??? She has Alzheimer's. My own mother has MS. I am just lazy...

I can't help but feel like that was my downfall in college. Yes, there were plenty of other factors, but I have always lacked mental toughness. I can't help but think that Pat could have taught me something that I know I severely lack sometimes.

It's time to get better. To BE better. No excuses anymore. It will help all areas of my life.

Tonight, I salute you, Pat Summitt. You are the epitome of what not just every woman, but ever person should strive to be.

You are sorely missed...

Why I'm Frustrated

I have not written in a LONG time. Writing gets all my inner shit out that my mind and mouth can't seem to do so well. I'm in that funk that I tend to get into one to two times a year...

I'm frustrated.

In November, I yet again, lost a job. Why authoritative figures have issues with me is STILL beyond me... 6 months later, I am now employed with a company that I really do love. Oh, and I work with Sarah's brother (sort of [he's in Charlotte]). It's a great job and I've already met some really great people.

Sarah's job is killing her right now. And me. She is over-worked and under-appreciated. She hardly has weekends. She is ALWAYS tired. Our days are so routine it is mind numbing. But I don't know how to change it. I can't change her job for her. She is searching for something new... but until then, it's making things pretty miserable and boring. I get SO frustrated, but it's not with her. When she is in bed by 9, I can't help but gripe. I just want to spend time with her. And I feel like we don't get much of that anymore...

It takes a toll on everything. Communication, fun, happiness, sex... you name it. I. Am. Frustrated.

I've been in such a weird mood lately--I'm easily irritated and moody. That's totally NOT me, but I guess I can see why it's happening. I really hope she can find something new soon so that I can have my wonderful, sweet, fun loving girlfriend back.

We've gotten in some bad habits. Ooooh like not working out. We're tired all the time. Which is a cause and effect. Grrr... I've just never felt so fucking unmotivated in my life and I can't get out of it. But I want to. I want to for myself and I want to for Sarah. She thinks she looks awful, but I still think she looks sexy as hell. Always will. Me on the other hand...oy. vey. I've never weighed so much in my life and I hate myself for it.

Why can't I just GET UP AND DO IT?!?!

I'm hitting that summer rut where I'm ready for a change. I write about it every year... It's happening faster this year.

I want to be better for her. To challenge her. To give her the fire again.

It will happen.

I feel like I have so much more to say, but lately I'm having a very hard time finding words. I feel like I'm just bottling stuff up. Probably why I just need to start writing again. Don't get me wrong...I'm very happy with my overall life. I just want little things to change, but I can't seem to put one foot forward.

My big girl panties must have gotten lost in the wash somewhere. Oh wait...I don't wear panties!!!

Good night.

Politics

I'm here half watching the debate. To be honest, the Yankees kicking the Red Sox ASS to win the AL East pennant is more important. This might piss some people off, but to be honest, I know who I'm voting for.

Politics are beyond annoying these days. I know it is critically important as to who we let in office to run our country, but to be frank, I'm sick of it all.

I am for the greater good and I'm voting for Romeny.

I'm gay. And I'm voting for a man who would rather have cousins marry each other than two same sex couples who love each other.

I know it's strange and I catch a LOT of shit from it from my gay friends. But I don't look at it from a 'gay' standpoint. Or me being a woman standpoint. Our country is in trouble. Our country has turned into a God-less land. Matters important to our current administration don't mean SHIT when God says it's time for us to leave this planet. The current focus is not on what God wants for this country...it's what Obama wants. We're on a different agenda than our Lord's right now, and that scares the ever living shit out of me.

I'm voting to put someone in office who at least has a remotely religious ideology. I know that the fact that I'm gay and talking religion doesn't bode well for me in the eyes of many Republicans. I get it...

But that is the beauty of our country. I can be who I am and not have to answer to anyone except what is inside of me. I have many gay friends who go every Sunday and praise our Lord and live honest, good lives.

I would love nothing more than to turn around tomorrow and take the woman that I LOVE to a church and ask for her hand in eternal bliss. I would love to do it in MY state and not have to travel 12 hours to do it. But that is the LEAST of our worries right now.

I don't need a sheet of paper telling me that my love for someone is real. I have a heart for that. But what I do need is a government that has EVERYONE'S best interest in mind. Including God's.

I am not the most outwardly religious person, but I do believe that Jesus died for my sins, so that no matter how many times I fall short and screw up, I am still the perfect creation in the eyes of my Father.

Our country needs to wake up and get over the 'rock star' campaign of someone who has his own agenda in mind. We are in trouble and headed down a dark road if we don't do something. Don't believe me? Pick up a Bible and read Revelations... God's will WILL be done and that is crystal clear.

Go Romney...

It's that time of year again...

I say it every year, but I'm going to say it again.... I LOVE FALL! I love this time of year for so many reasons.

The summer, while fun and full of great times with friends and LOTS of sunshine, is HOT. Hotter than hell sometimes. Every year I am so ready for it by the time it gets here, love it while it's happening, but as the end draws near, I get SO sick of it. But that first evening or morning when you feel that fall air creeping its' way in.... Ahhh it's sooo worth it.

Fall is my "go time" of the year. It is usually the time of the year that I thrive. I feel motivated and refreshed. This year..... WE'RE MOVING INTO A HOUSE!!!!!!!

I'm hesitant to call it 'our house,' because Sarah technically bought it. I'll be paying on the mortgage, but it's her name on the paper. It all happened pretty fast, but I'm so proud of her for making her dream a reality. The closing date is set for November 16.......3 days before we celebrate 2 AMAZING years together.

It hardly seems like two years. It feels like I just met her for the first time yesterday....but then again, it felt like I knew her for a lifetime the night we met. I really can't put into words how incredible the time we have spent together has been... Ha, guess I'll wait for the actual date :)

Her new job has been up and down for her. As has mine with State Farm. Like anything, they have their rewards and challenges. Her job is great....but I HATE the travel. I think it's easier to be the one traveling because at least that is exciting. New place, new restaurants, new scenery...it's hard being left behind because I'm in my same routine every night...minus HER. Which sucks. A lot.

Sarah is truly then best friend I've ever had and I really don't know what I'd be doing without her. She has made me realize that the things I thought were the most important, really aren't. Relationships and love are the things that drive me. She is away until Saturday...here's hoping the days FLY by.

That's it for now...more to come in the next month or so.

HAPPY FALL :)

Blue Moon

In an effort to forget that Friday is two more sleeps away, I am spending my night watching my boys in pinstripes do their thing (hopefully) and drinking Blue Moon.

To sum it all up, I'm in a horrible mood and would rather not go into it.

Friday can't come fast enough...

That's all I got tonight :(

Like a Pinball

Coming at you live from lovely, but strange (in numerous ways), Boone, NC. Sarah is here for business. Oh and I'm the unemployed pinball tagging along. I'm at the little bar that is attached to the place her company has us staying--a studio apartment.

Lexi made the road trip with us and is enjoying her little vacay. Perhaps you noticed that little nuisance of a word "unemployed?"

Yup. That's me again.

I've always been told from family and friends that I was destined to hold a good job and make good money. So far, not so good. Since starting to work for State Farm, I can't help but feel like a friggin' pinball. Bouncing from road block to road block it seems. With my first agent, he hired me because one of his employees was leaving to have a bone marrow transplant. But a month and a half after I started, his blood tests were doing much better, so they decided to hold off on the surgery. DO NOT GET ME WRONG--I am super happy for him that he is doing well. I would never wish that on anyone. Job wise, it did inconvenience me because my agent couldn't afford to keep me on staff with him staying. Both people felt awful, but my boss vowed to find me a spot somewhere else.

Which got me to my next dilemma. His solution was to send me to TWO agents. Where I would work part tim, at each office, every other day...which equalled out to full time. Minus no paid time off, etc. For the past two moths-ish, I've been going back and forth between Greensboro and Kernersville trying my best to produce the numbers each agent wanted. See...my goal is to be an agent. And lucky me, my former agent portrayed me as much more experienced than I was, so I went into the situation not knowing that their expectations for me were that of someone who had been with SF for a year at least. Cool beans..

I went in every day and tried my best to produce, produce, produce. But I soon learned that this scenario was not working in anyone's favor. Splitting time meant I couldn't build repor with customers and made appointment setting for myself incredibly difficult. On a positive note, I experienced two new agencies and got to see how I WOULDN'T run my own agency one day. But I digress...I wasn't putting up numbers that would bode well for me down the road when it came time for my review with the big dogs who determine whether or not you should e an agent. I met with one of my bosses and kind of bowed out gracefully. He agreed that I needed to be one place and build my numbers and really grow with the company. He vowed to help me find a full time spot somewhere...but it coould take time... I have an interview Monday with another agent that I'm praying bodes well for me.

So here I sit. Alone at a bar in Boone waiting for Sarah to get off work. It's almost 8. I've been alone for the past few days in a studio apartment, minus the handful of hours that she's not been at work. Or thinking about work and checking her email every 4 seconds. She says she doesn't want to "be the job" but I know her better and she worries so much about stuff that she is always the job. No matter what she's doing career wise. For an employer, that's probably a great quality. For me, it sucks sometimes. Especially now when I have NOTHING going on. It's not her fault and I'm not mad about it, but it's more of just a frustrating thing sometimes.

Stress exhausts her and I wish I could just teach her how to let go sometimes. But hell, maybe that's why I'm in the position I'm in! I just feel lost because I have a great education, a good head on my shoulders, and I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart person...yet I can't hold onto a job. I'm sick of worrying about money and potentially not being the provider I strive to be. I know there's something out there for me, but I just can't put my finger on it. So badly I want my own business...Sarah and I have discussed so many times...but I don't have the means to. Maybe I just haven't figured out what it's supposed to be yet.

I can feel myself getting to the point where I boil over and have a tiny meltdown. I just want to be a successful person that people, especially the people I love and care for deeply, respect. Right now I feel like a big joke and I don't know where
to go or what to do.

Damn this wine is tasty..

That's Love

Love is continuing to do the things you've always done for someone even when they are going unnoticed. And not throwing it back in their face; rather figuring out why they are so distracted.